| Laughs
and Giggles - Jokes For Women
There is nothing to make us feel better than a good giggle
or even better, a side splitting, stomach hurting, tears to
your eyes belly laugh.
Find the funniest Secret Santa gifts for your Office Christmas
Party by CLICKING
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THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the
private function room at the Grill House. There will be a
cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing
traditional carols...please Feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up
dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00
p.m.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving
of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director
will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family
Pauline
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday
Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who
are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas
carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE : 6th November
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign
your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I
put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only," you
wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much
money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating and drinking during day light hours. There goes the
party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs,
perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until the end of the party - or else package everything up
for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that
work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will
get the table closest to the toilets, Gays a re allowed to
sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay
men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's
table, too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food
will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the
salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood
pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits
as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going
to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it
or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from
the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.
You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes,
but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when
you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
right NOW!!
Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die!
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a
speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to
her.
In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday
Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
December off with full pay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Find the funniest Secret Santa gifts for your Office Christmas
Party by CLICKING
HERE!
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